Long overdue

Yes I am alive! I've been a busy little bee with no time to update this thing. Ok, that's not entirely true. Besides being a busy little bee, I've also been a busy little procrastinator who didn't want to sit still long enough to write anything. But alas, here is a quick update as to what has been going on in Rachelworld.

(Random memory: I was rather spacey and out of it as a child - hard to believe I know - and my mom used to say "Ohhh she's in Rachelworld again!")

Anywayyyy, we are moved into the new place and almost completely unpacked yayyy! I am loving it here- lots more room, big windows with so much light, huge backyard with a patio area to chill with the family-in-law. Awesomeness. We still have a little more to do to get settled in, but so far I am quite content up here in the suburbs.

Engagement party is in less than a week. I'm not sure how the dress is gonna look on me, but I'm not too stressed about it. I am soooo excited to see all my old friends. It should be a lot of fun.

A few days after that we leave for vacation with the family I work for. Sooo not prepared for that! I have to buy a bathing suit, and a ton of other stuff, but I guess it will get done.

What else, what else...

Oh! I finally agreed to ride on Ryan's motorcycle with him. We rode to Clifton Park for fireworks on the 4th of July. I was terrified but it actually was a lot of fun once I got used to it.

I think that's about it. I will try to be better about posting now that I have internet again and am more or less settled in here.

Hope everyone is enjoying these long warm summer days! It will be over before we know it!

Bittersweet symphony

Moving sucks.

But by this time tomorrow, we should be completely moved into our new home. I'm super excited, even though I'm a little sad to leave this place. I have moved 8 times in the past 6 years, and of all those places, this is the one I've lived in the longest. This is also Ryan's and my first home together, and even though it's super small and cramped, I will miss it.

Fatty McFatFat.

New goal: To lose at least 10 pounds by July 13th (AKA my engagement party.)


So I got my dress for the party and it's super cute but I look pregnant in it. I don't really want people to think that's the reason we're getting married lol. So the tummy has to go.

Encouragement please????

Just because.

ps the kitty in the last one looks EXACTLY like my bella. antennae and everything.

Fuuuun stuff!

It's been a while, mostly because I've been super busy, and when I haven't been super busy, I've been super lazy.

So let's see, what news do I have? Ryan and I (along with the kittens) went to Geneseo for Memorial Day weekend. My sister and her husband were there also. It was nice, pretty quiet, with lots of good food of course. And while we were there, Ryan and I decided to move our wedding up from October 2010 to June 2009. That's next year! And since we're moving it up and therefore won't be able to save up money beforehand, we have decided to have a very simple, small backyard ceremony at my parents' home in Geneseo. I've already picked out my wedding dress, and bridesmaid's dresses, and I found a company to cater and supply tents. It's getting exciting, people!

But before we get to the wedding, we have the engagement party in a little over a month, plus we're about to move, and then we are going on vacation to the Jersey Shore with the family I work for.

So all in all things are pretty good right now. My biggest stresses are money and moving. Ryan and I are struggling to make ends meet, and at the same time we are trying to go through all our junk to get ready to move. I HATE moving! Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to our new place (an entire side of my future in-law's duplex - 2 floors, 2 bedrooms, huge backyard - woot!) but the actual moving process is like torture for me. I wish we could just skip that part and get to the part where we're all nice and settled in our new (BIG) apartment. My kitties aren't gonna know what to do with all that space!

Soooo that's about it. I'll try to keep updating more regularly, cuz things are getting pretty interesting right now and I want to share it with you!

Peace out. <3

"Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?"

Good babies gone bad.

It's a sad story, one we hear all too often. Sweet, adorable babies who for one reason or another, turn to a life of questionable morals and seedy activity. The ones who sneak whiskey in with their formula, who make a play for all the chicks in the sandbox, who stay up all night partying only to drag themselves to bed, er I mean crib, in the wee hours of the morning. And I regret to say that despite my shining influence, two of my beloved baby boys- Dumpling and MiniCooper- have gone over to the dark side. I only hope it's not too late for them.

Dumpling has turned to a life of rock n roll, which can only mean groupies, trashing hotel rooms, and trading his favorite toy, Duckie, for coke.


Poor little MiniCooper just can't stop hitting the bottle. We're considering an intervention. You can't solve your problems with booze MC!

<33333

I have a bad case of neeblia madeeblia.

So the other day Choo-Choo was showing me the books he got at the library, and he says, "This one is called Good Driving Neeblia Madeeblia."

I was a little confused by this title so I looked at the book, which is actually entitled Good Driving, Amelia Bedelia.

I choked back my giggles and corrected him, "I think it's Am-el-ia Be-del-ia, sweetie."

"Yeah I know, Neeblia Madeeblia."

=)

Mommy's Day

My new hair:

I'm still getting used to it, but it's kinda fun. PS- don't mind the horrible picture, I had just spent 8 hours watching the boys on very little sleep and I took this pic while sitting in a Friendly's. So yeah.

Este hombre es el amor de mi vida

Ryan and I had just been discussing how I want my next car to be a Chevy Cobalt. We pull into the mall parking lot and I say, "Look, we're parking next to a Cobalt."

Ryan looks at me like I'm crazy and goes, "What??!"

So I repeat myself. To which Ryan says, "Ohhh, I thought you said look at the pregnant Mexican couple."

There is a reason this man and I are together. <3

Sick Day, Guilt Day

I did not go to work today because I am a horrible horrible human being. Also, I'm sick, but mostly the first thing. Why do I always feel so guilty for taking a day off when I legitimately feel like shit? I woke up this morning and couldn't breathe, talk, or stand up, so obviously caring for 2 kids would have been highly difficult. Yet I have been laying in bed all day wracked with guilt over my decision to stay home. Gahhh I hate being me sometimes.

Dear Elle,

There is so much I wish I could say to you, but for many many reasons, I can't. So instead I will write you a letter via my blog, which you will never read. Probably for the best.

Okay, so basically, I don't like you very much. I love you, and I always will, but beyond that I find you very selfish, deluded, and self-righteous. Strong criticism I know, but after listening to you whine week after week about your "problems" like you are the only person in the world who matters, I can't help but feel these things about you. And yes, I realize that I am also very selfish, and that I whine about my problems like there's no tomorrow, but the difference is that I acknowledge these personal weaknesses, whereas you boast about how "healthy and well-adjusted" you have become. Yeah f-ing right. You are in denial. And you are nuts. Seriously.

Anyway, the thing is, when we were young and I imagined the women that we would become, I certainly never pictured either of us where we are now. And while I have made peace with who I am (or am in the process of doing so), when I look at you I can't help but feel disappointed. You settled for less than you deserved, and then you lowered yourself to its level. The fact is, I don't like who you've become.

Oh and here's another thing: when we talk on the phone and you are being particularly ridiculous, I put it on speaker and Ryan and I laugh/roll our eyes/mime shooting ourselves in the head as we listen. Immature, yes. But that's what you have driven me to.

There is so much more I want to say, so many more feelings that I have about you, your life, and our relationship, but I will save it for my therapy sessions.

I do love you, and I hope that someday you will become the woman I pictured you to be when we were kids. I wish you well and I will talk to you soon, as always, pretending that none of what I have written here is true.

Love,
Are

A few things...nanny edition:

1) I spend way too much time trying to clean poop out of carpets.

2) Today while I was in the other room putting Dumpling down for a nap, I hear Choo-Choo say angrily to the tv, "No, Diego! You CANNOT tell me what to do!" You tell him Choo-Choo.

3) Choo-Choo's parents are taking him to see Backyardigans LIVE tonight. Not gonna lie, I'm a little jealous. Of all the kiddie shows I am forced to watch, Backyardigans is definitely one of my favorites.

4) I'm trying to teach Dumpling to blow kisses. So far all I've gotten him to do is put his hand in his mouth. It's a start.

5) Yesterday Choo-Choo asked me (hypothetically, I hope) what would happen if a mommy and daddy put their baby in a garbage can. Ummm...no more Law and Order reruns for Choo-Choo.

My mornings...for real. Bella actually slaps me in the face and everything.

Pork Chop.

Not really much to say. I'm still pretty blah but I'll get through it. My unemployment got cut off because they say I left my job willingly. I don't really define "willingly" as being told not to come back because I have been admitted to a mental hospital, but whatever. I know I should fight it, but I don't think I have it in me. And while I know that this will bring about a different kind of fight, I'm too tired to worry about it right now.

Luckily a huge part of our financial strain will be lifted in a few months when we move in with Ryan's parents. Not exactly an ideal situation, but it means no rent, free cable, free internet, and free food. So obviously I can't complain.

On another note, I start therapy tomorrow (FINALLY). I haven't been in therapy since 4Winds, due to lovely Medicaid issues, so I'm really in need. I'm hoping it will help with my yucky mood.

Yep that's about it. Peas and luff.

Surprising...

that I'm quoting the Bible, considering I'm not all that religious, but I like this. It's comforting right now.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Update:

I'm tired, I'm perpetually cranky, and I'm getting sick.

More when I'm in a better mood.

Week in photos

I'm feeling relatively better than earlier in the week. It's gorgeous out, it's Friday, and I'm about to spend the weekend traveling the tri-state area to see various friends. What could be better?

Anyway, excitement for the day included giving Dumpling his bottle and then looking down at him to see blood gushing from his eye. After a significant amount of FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT, I cleaned up his eye and was very relieved to find it was only a small cut on his eyelid. No clue how he got it, but at least it wasn't as bad as it looked at first.

So here are some pics taken this week that pretty much sum up my pathetic life.

Sera getting cuddles from Daddy

I saw this puppy at the pet store and I wanted to steal him! But alas, Ryan wouldn't let me.


Camo Baby can't hide from Wonder-Nanny!

There's something clogging my sink...

Happy weekend. Enjoy the beautiful weather.

Melancholy Molly

I've been somewhat depressed the past few days, for no apparent reason. That's what I hate the most, feeling miserable and having no clue why. But anyway, it's been a struggle staying involved in my own life, especially when it comes to work. It's just really hard to care for two small children when all I want to do is curl up in a ball under my blanket and hide from the world. Actually as it turns out, I have had two days off this week because the baby is sick. I'm happy to have some time off, especially since I'm in a bit of a funk, but of course I'm sorry my little Dumpling is sick (and it's unfortunately gonna mean a sucky payday this week). But, I will take the reprieve and try to snap myself out of this dysphoria.

Love and hugs greatly appreciated.