Friday, December 28, 2007

So yeah.

I spent 12/17 to 12/26 at a psych hospital in Saratoga cuz I kept having panic attacks and couldn't get out of bed. It was actually an awesome experience and I'm really glad I went. I'm not even that sad that I had to spend Christmas there. Now I'm doing an outpatient program there every day from 9 to 4.

Oh, and I don't have a job anymore. Or any money. Or any possibilities of a job or money.

Sweet.


Saturday, December 15, 2007

My cat ate my motivation.

I need to find a job.
I need to eat better.

I need to clean my apartment.

I need to save money.

I need to finish my progress notes for work.

I need to get some exercise.

Unfortunately, I don't feel like doing ANYTHING. EVER.



Thursday, December 13, 2007

Schnowww

It snowed like a million feet today. Seriously. So naturally, I brought a snowball into my apartment and threw it at my kitties. Bella freaked out, hid, and then ate it, and Sera just seemed kinda confused. And then ate it.

Ahhh I love my babies.



Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I'm sick.

I hate being sick.

But I do like taking tons of nyquil and passing out for hours on end.

Plus I've taken so many sick days from work that I think they would fire me if I wasn't leaving already. Ah well.

Monday, December 3, 2007

GAHHH

I handed in my resignation today, effective 1/4/08. I think this is for the best, but it hasn't really sunk in yet. Right now I really need to work on finding another job.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

I can't take this anymore.

Life sucks right now. Like a lot.

On Thursday I had another meltdown at work and ended up having a meeting with my executive director (EDIT). She sent me home for the rest of the day and told me to take Friday off also, and spend the weekend taking care of myself and thinking about where I want to go from here (aka if I feel I am capable of continuing my job). We are meeting first thing on Monday morning to discuss what we're going to do.

I've been thinking a lot about it, and I'm really at a loss. For the most part, I love my job. I care about my clients, I love the agency I work for, and I have met some incredible people. On the other hand, I am extremely overwhelmed by my caseload and my responsibilities, I have a lot of problems with my supervisor, and my mental breakdowns are becoming a weekly occurrence.

But even if I decided that resigning was the best thing to do, I can't exactly just leave my job with nothing else lined up. Right now, my lousy little income is the only income we've got. Take that away, and me, Ryan, and our poor kittens will be homeless and starving within a week.

But if I start looking for another job, do I look for something similar to what I'm doing now? Or will that just eventually lead me back to the same place I am now?

So yeah, this is the circle my mind has been traveling in all weekend, and I'm no closer to coming up with the answers than I was 2 days ago.

I was really looking forward to my parents coming this weekend A) because I haven't seen them in over 5 months, B) because I was planning to talk to them about the above issues and see if they have any insights, and C) because they were going to take Ryan and I grocery shopping.

Of course, I forgot that my parents are about as dependable as a soggy carrot, and alas they did not come (AGAIN) due to the "weather" (aka the quarter inch of snow we got).

Sigh.

I'm depressed. Very very much so. I have no clue what to do about my job, my parents just keep on disappointing me, and as always I am completely broke. Happy f-ing hollidays.

Help?