Long overdue

Yes I am alive! I've been a busy little bee with no time to update this thing. Ok, that's not entirely true. Besides being a busy little bee, I've also been a busy little procrastinator who didn't want to sit still long enough to write anything. But alas, here is a quick update as to what has been going on in Rachelworld.

(Random memory: I was rather spacey and out of it as a child - hard to believe I know - and my mom used to say "Ohhh she's in Rachelworld again!")

Anywayyyy, we are moved into the new place and almost completely unpacked yayyy! I am loving it here- lots more room, big windows with so much light, huge backyard with a patio area to chill with the family-in-law. Awesomeness. We still have a little more to do to get settled in, but so far I am quite content up here in the suburbs.

Engagement party is in less than a week. I'm not sure how the dress is gonna look on me, but I'm not too stressed about it. I am soooo excited to see all my old friends. It should be a lot of fun.

A few days after that we leave for vacation with the family I work for. Sooo not prepared for that! I have to buy a bathing suit, and a ton of other stuff, but I guess it will get done.

What else, what else...

Oh! I finally agreed to ride on Ryan's motorcycle with him. We rode to Clifton Park for fireworks on the 4th of July. I was terrified but it actually was a lot of fun once I got used to it.

I think that's about it. I will try to be better about posting now that I have internet again and am more or less settled in here.

Hope everyone is enjoying these long warm summer days! It will be over before we know it!

Bittersweet symphony

Moving sucks.

But by this time tomorrow, we should be completely moved into our new home. I'm super excited, even though I'm a little sad to leave this place. I have moved 8 times in the past 6 years, and of all those places, this is the one I've lived in the longest. This is also Ryan's and my first home together, and even though it's super small and cramped, I will miss it.

Fatty McFatFat.

New goal: To lose at least 10 pounds by July 13th (AKA my engagement party.)


So I got my dress for the party and it's super cute but I look pregnant in it. I don't really want people to think that's the reason we're getting married lol. So the tummy has to go.

Encouragement please????

Just because.

ps the kitty in the last one looks EXACTLY like my bella. antennae and everything.

Fuuuun stuff!

It's been a while, mostly because I've been super busy, and when I haven't been super busy, I've been super lazy.

So let's see, what news do I have? Ryan and I (along with the kittens) went to Geneseo for Memorial Day weekend. My sister and her husband were there also. It was nice, pretty quiet, with lots of good food of course. And while we were there, Ryan and I decided to move our wedding up from October 2010 to June 2009. That's next year! And since we're moving it up and therefore won't be able to save up money beforehand, we have decided to have a very simple, small backyard ceremony at my parents' home in Geneseo. I've already picked out my wedding dress, and bridesmaid's dresses, and I found a company to cater and supply tents. It's getting exciting, people!

But before we get to the wedding, we have the engagement party in a little over a month, plus we're about to move, and then we are going on vacation to the Jersey Shore with the family I work for.

So all in all things are pretty good right now. My biggest stresses are money and moving. Ryan and I are struggling to make ends meet, and at the same time we are trying to go through all our junk to get ready to move. I HATE moving! Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to our new place (an entire side of my future in-law's duplex - 2 floors, 2 bedrooms, huge backyard - woot!) but the actual moving process is like torture for me. I wish we could just skip that part and get to the part where we're all nice and settled in our new (BIG) apartment. My kitties aren't gonna know what to do with all that space!

Soooo that's about it. I'll try to keep updating more regularly, cuz things are getting pretty interesting right now and I want to share it with you!

Peace out. <3

"Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?"

Good babies gone bad.

It's a sad story, one we hear all too often. Sweet, adorable babies who for one reason or another, turn to a life of questionable morals and seedy activity. The ones who sneak whiskey in with their formula, who make a play for all the chicks in the sandbox, who stay up all night partying only to drag themselves to bed, er I mean crib, in the wee hours of the morning. And I regret to say that despite my shining influence, two of my beloved baby boys- Dumpling and MiniCooper- have gone over to the dark side. I only hope it's not too late for them.

Dumpling has turned to a life of rock n roll, which can only mean groupies, trashing hotel rooms, and trading his favorite toy, Duckie, for coke.


Poor little MiniCooper just can't stop hitting the bottle. We're considering an intervention. You can't solve your problems with booze MC!

<33333

I have a bad case of neeblia madeeblia.

So the other day Choo-Choo was showing me the books he got at the library, and he says, "This one is called Good Driving Neeblia Madeeblia."

I was a little confused by this title so I looked at the book, which is actually entitled Good Driving, Amelia Bedelia.

I choked back my giggles and corrected him, "I think it's Am-el-ia Be-del-ia, sweetie."

"Yeah I know, Neeblia Madeeblia."

=)

Mommy's Day

My new hair:

I'm still getting used to it, but it's kinda fun. PS- don't mind the horrible picture, I had just spent 8 hours watching the boys on very little sleep and I took this pic while sitting in a Friendly's. So yeah.

Este hombre es el amor de mi vida

Ryan and I had just been discussing how I want my next car to be a Chevy Cobalt. We pull into the mall parking lot and I say, "Look, we're parking next to a Cobalt."

Ryan looks at me like I'm crazy and goes, "What??!"

So I repeat myself. To which Ryan says, "Ohhh, I thought you said look at the pregnant Mexican couple."

There is a reason this man and I are together. <3

Sick Day, Guilt Day

I did not go to work today because I am a horrible horrible human being. Also, I'm sick, but mostly the first thing. Why do I always feel so guilty for taking a day off when I legitimately feel like shit? I woke up this morning and couldn't breathe, talk, or stand up, so obviously caring for 2 kids would have been highly difficult. Yet I have been laying in bed all day wracked with guilt over my decision to stay home. Gahhh I hate being me sometimes.

Dear Elle,

There is so much I wish I could say to you, but for many many reasons, I can't. So instead I will write you a letter via my blog, which you will never read. Probably for the best.

Okay, so basically, I don't like you very much. I love you, and I always will, but beyond that I find you very selfish, deluded, and self-righteous. Strong criticism I know, but after listening to you whine week after week about your "problems" like you are the only person in the world who matters, I can't help but feel these things about you. And yes, I realize that I am also very selfish, and that I whine about my problems like there's no tomorrow, but the difference is that I acknowledge these personal weaknesses, whereas you boast about how "healthy and well-adjusted" you have become. Yeah f-ing right. You are in denial. And you are nuts. Seriously.

Anyway, the thing is, when we were young and I imagined the women that we would become, I certainly never pictured either of us where we are now. And while I have made peace with who I am (or am in the process of doing so), when I look at you I can't help but feel disappointed. You settled for less than you deserved, and then you lowered yourself to its level. The fact is, I don't like who you've become.

Oh and here's another thing: when we talk on the phone and you are being particularly ridiculous, I put it on speaker and Ryan and I laugh/roll our eyes/mime shooting ourselves in the head as we listen. Immature, yes. But that's what you have driven me to.

There is so much more I want to say, so many more feelings that I have about you, your life, and our relationship, but I will save it for my therapy sessions.

I do love you, and I hope that someday you will become the woman I pictured you to be when we were kids. I wish you well and I will talk to you soon, as always, pretending that none of what I have written here is true.

Love,
Are

A few things...nanny edition:

1) I spend way too much time trying to clean poop out of carpets.

2) Today while I was in the other room putting Dumpling down for a nap, I hear Choo-Choo say angrily to the tv, "No, Diego! You CANNOT tell me what to do!" You tell him Choo-Choo.

3) Choo-Choo's parents are taking him to see Backyardigans LIVE tonight. Not gonna lie, I'm a little jealous. Of all the kiddie shows I am forced to watch, Backyardigans is definitely one of my favorites.

4) I'm trying to teach Dumpling to blow kisses. So far all I've gotten him to do is put his hand in his mouth. It's a start.

5) Yesterday Choo-Choo asked me (hypothetically, I hope) what would happen if a mommy and daddy put their baby in a garbage can. Ummm...no more Law and Order reruns for Choo-Choo.

My mornings...for real. Bella actually slaps me in the face and everything.

Pork Chop.

Not really much to say. I'm still pretty blah but I'll get through it. My unemployment got cut off because they say I left my job willingly. I don't really define "willingly" as being told not to come back because I have been admitted to a mental hospital, but whatever. I know I should fight it, but I don't think I have it in me. And while I know that this will bring about a different kind of fight, I'm too tired to worry about it right now.

Luckily a huge part of our financial strain will be lifted in a few months when we move in with Ryan's parents. Not exactly an ideal situation, but it means no rent, free cable, free internet, and free food. So obviously I can't complain.

On another note, I start therapy tomorrow (FINALLY). I haven't been in therapy since 4Winds, due to lovely Medicaid issues, so I'm really in need. I'm hoping it will help with my yucky mood.

Yep that's about it. Peas and luff.

Surprising...

that I'm quoting the Bible, considering I'm not all that religious, but I like this. It's comforting right now.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Update:

I'm tired, I'm perpetually cranky, and I'm getting sick.

More when I'm in a better mood.

Week in photos

I'm feeling relatively better than earlier in the week. It's gorgeous out, it's Friday, and I'm about to spend the weekend traveling the tri-state area to see various friends. What could be better?

Anyway, excitement for the day included giving Dumpling his bottle and then looking down at him to see blood gushing from his eye. After a significant amount of FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT, I cleaned up his eye and was very relieved to find it was only a small cut on his eyelid. No clue how he got it, but at least it wasn't as bad as it looked at first.

So here are some pics taken this week that pretty much sum up my pathetic life.

Sera getting cuddles from Daddy

I saw this puppy at the pet store and I wanted to steal him! But alas, Ryan wouldn't let me.


Camo Baby can't hide from Wonder-Nanny!

There's something clogging my sink...

Happy weekend. Enjoy the beautiful weather.

Melancholy Molly

I've been somewhat depressed the past few days, for no apparent reason. That's what I hate the most, feeling miserable and having no clue why. But anyway, it's been a struggle staying involved in my own life, especially when it comes to work. It's just really hard to care for two small children when all I want to do is curl up in a ball under my blanket and hide from the world. Actually as it turns out, I have had two days off this week because the baby is sick. I'm happy to have some time off, especially since I'm in a bit of a funk, but of course I'm sorry my little Dumpling is sick (and it's unfortunately gonna mean a sucky payday this week). But, I will take the reprieve and try to snap myself out of this dysphoria.

Love and hugs greatly appreciated.

"Friends just keep you away from TV."

If you're ever wondering what Ryan and I are like as a couple, just watch The King of Queens. We are pretty much exactly like Doug and Carrie, except I'm less bitchy (slightly) and Ryan's less dumb (slightly :P). We fight a lot, but we love each other more. We're lazy and generally dislike all other people. And we're just trying to get by and make ends meet, while also trying not to kill one another. Ah, life.

I'm in love.

Come on, how cute is he? Just look at that face! I have the most adorable nephew ever <3

Damn disney still has its claws in me.

So the other day I bought a cute Tink bag at Target because, well, I have a weakness for Tink. Then today I decided I couldn't put off getting sunglasses anymore, as I get blinded by the sun every day when I drive home from work. Now, I hate buying sunglasses, because I have a very small face and therefore all sunglasses look ridiculous on me, like I'm playing dress up with my mommy's glasses. So, after trying on several pairs of adult sunglasses and finding nothing small enough, I decided to check out the kids' ones. And, surprise surprise, they fit! However, apparently it is impossible for kids' glasses to be simple and plain. Instead, they are all kinds of bright colors with different characters. I did however find a pair of purpley-pink glasses that totally brought out the 8 year old girl in me. So naturally I had to get them. They are actually Pirates of the Caribbean, and they say "I <3 Jack" on the sides. I thought they were stickers that could be removed, but unfortunately they are actually printed on the frames. Oh well, it's pretty small, and I do <3 Johnny Depp so...I guess it works.

Sooo, somehow even though I quit Disney almost a year ago, I still manage to deck myself out in all kinds of Disney crap. Ah well, I'm a kid at heart.

Smexxy =P

Ummm...cutest thing ever???

(taken from my favoritest website icanhascheezburger.com...go there, you will not regret it)

Conversations with a 4 year old:

Choo-choo: you should go to the doctor so your back will stop hurting.
Me: yes I should, but doctors cost a lot of money and I don't have a lot of money.
Choo-choo: can't your mommy take you to the doctor?
Me: no, my mommy lives far away.
Choo-choo: what do you mean?
Me: well, I live in this city, and my mommy and daddy live far away in a different city.
Choo-choo: you mean...you don't live with your mommy and daddy?
Me: that's right.
Choo-choo: but...why? where did they go? how can you not live with them?
Me: well, I grew up and went away to college and then I stayed here after I finished college.
Choo-choo: so wait...you really don't live with your mommy and daddy?
Me: no I don't.
Choo-choo: so then...who do you live with?
Me: you remember my boyfriend? I live with him.
Choo-choo: oh...and your kitties?
Me: yes, and my kitties.
Choo-choo: oh ok, so you guys are like a little family.



Yes, we are :)

My name is Rachel and I have an addiction...

to m&ms. Seriously, though.

In other news, ever since I woke up this morning, all of my joints have been very sore and swollen. I can't get my rings off my fingers, I can't bend my toes, and my entire body HURTS. My mother has suffered with these symptoms for the past 20 years due to her fybromyalgia, lupus, and rheumatoid arthritis. So chances are, being her child, I have developed one of these diseases as well. It was only a matter of time. I'm going to try and go to the doctor sometime next week if this doesn't clear up. Maybe I'll be lucky and it will just be Lyme disease.

A couple things:

1) Last night, Ryan borrowed my car to run to the store, as he often does. This morning, after a night of nonstop rain, I went to leave for work and found that he had left my sunroof open. Needless to say I was not very happy, and I sent him a strongly worded (and slightly profane) text message letting him know so. By the time I got to work the back of my jeans and sweatshirt were soaked, I was beyond freezing, and very very cranky. Is there anything worse than wet jeans? It took me about 3 hours to completely dry out, however during that time most of my anger subsided and I was able to see the humor of the situation. Well, almost. I am now looking forward to holding this incident over Ryan's head for a long long time. =P

2) Every time I talk to my mom she asks me when I think I will be able to "go back to work." Ummmmm.... Is what I'm doing now not work? Does she think I'm just wiping shit-soaked asses and force feeding 4 year olds for fun? Cuz I was under the impression that I was working my ass off taking care of an infant and a pre-schooler in an attempt to pay my rent and my bills. Silly me, apparently it's just a hobby. It drives me NUTS that she a) does not see nannying as a real job, b) will only be happy if I'm "using my degree" as a social worker, and c) is pressuring me to go back into a field that I am very much not ready to go back to. It was not that long ago that I was in a freaking psychiatric hospital due to the stress and anguish that my social work job gave me. I am still trying to put the pieces of my life back together, and I am in no way ready to put myself back into that position. And I'm sorry if I think that my mother, who has battled depression herself for many years, should understand and accept that. ::Lets out an exasperated sigh:: Okay....rant over.

Opening Day Take 2

THE YANKEEEEESSSSS WIIIIINNN!!!

Oh I'm a happy girl. I have missed baseball so much. Poor Ryan, who has to live with me as I watch baseball, has not missed it so much.

To you:

I was talking to a friend today who mentioned that she is graduating in May. I suddenly realized that you and her are the same year, which means that if all has gone as planned, you will be graduating as well. And then my heart sank, because I don't know if you will be staying here after you're done with school. It's so ridiculous, you aren't even part of my life anymore, and yet the thought of you not being in the same city as me makes my inexplicably sad.

I have spent the past year and half praying that I don't run into you, actively planning my schedule to avoid places you might be, involuntarily shaking whenever I see someone who looked like you. And yet, perhaps part of me was hoping to turn a corner and see your face. To have a split second connection with you again, before pretending not to see each other and going our separate ways.

Despite all the hurt, anger, tears, name-calling, and general unpleasantness, I am not ashamed to say that I miss you. Well to be exact, I miss the person you were when we met, not when we parted ways. And I wish you well.

The minnow and the trout

Help me out
Said the minnow to the trout
I was lost and found myself swimming in your mouth
Help me chief
I've got to plans for you and me
I swear upon this riverbed
I'll help you feel young again

Not your every day circumstance
Hummingbird taking coffee with the ants

Please, I know that we're different
But we were one cell in the sea in the beginning
And what we're made of was all the same once
We're not that different after all

- A Fine Frenzy

New and somewhat different

So I went a little darker than I normally do. This is more like my natural color and less red. But I think I like it. Maybe?














PS. I forgot to mention this earlier......YANKEES OPENING DAY TOMORROW!!!
PSS. As of today we have had Bella and Sera for exactly 6 months. God I love my babies. <3

Vanity, animals, and unfounded guilt

So I've actually been somewhat productive this weekend. I ran pretty much all the errands I needed to, plus I finally took care of the furry caterpillars above my eyes.

I also picked up some hair dye, so I'll probably take care of that tonight. Maybe I'll post some pics if I feel up to it.

On a completely unrelated note, I have been watching a lot of Animal Cops lately. Normally I avoid this show because it greatly upsets me, but for some reason over the past few weeks (perhaps boredom... or masochism?) I haven't been able to keep away. Now, as anyone who has spent any time with me knows, I love animals more than I like most people. I don't understand how anyone can harm and neglect such defenseless creatures. It's the same with children. Seeing poor innocent babies being abused is the main reason I left social work. Case in point: a one year old beaten so badly that he will most likely never be able to learn to walk or speak. A one year old.

People are sick.

But anyway, I've been watching Animal Cops and as a result I have gone to bed crying pretty much every night this week. A normal person would...oh i don't know...STOP WATCHING? Yet I feel like I have to watch out of respect to those poor animals, so for the ones who don't make it, their deaths aren't in vain and their lives are remembered. Why do I put this on myself? How is it my responsibility to care about every single animal and child in the world? But this is what I do, and this is why I end up in mental hospitals. Because I put everything on myself.

Oh well, I'm going to dye my hair.

Beware the scary marshmallow lady

So I got a new template, mainly cuz I'm bored and in need of some change in my life. And since I'm too lazy to make any "real" changes, I decided some new colors in my blog would suffice.

So speaking of changes that need to be made, I realized recently how much I have let myself go in the past few months. Now, admittedly, I have had a lot going on in those few months, what with being hospitalized, losing my job, spending 2 months at the crazy farm, being discharged from the crazy farm, getting a new job, getting engaged, etc, etc, etc. However, I like to think that living through all of the above mentioned "drama" has led me to a new, better place in my life. But that is certainly not what I see when I look in the mirror. I haven't dyed my hair in probably 6 months at least, resulting in a reddish brown mucky color with dark brown roots. Sexy. Also, I haven't plucked my eyebrows in several months either, so right now they are more or less taking over my entire face.

Then there's the fact (as I have whined about in the past) that I have gained about 30 pounds or so over the past year. And while people keep telling me that having a little meat on my bones is far better than the skeletal/anorexic look I rocked for most of my life, I still would feel more content with losing 15 or so of those 30 pounds I've packed on.

And finally, (as I have also whined about in past posts), between being in the hospital and being a nanny, all I ever wear anymore are hoodies and jeans. Everyday... hoodies... and jeans. And while I am a huuuge fan of the hoodie (I own approximately 90 bajillion of them), I'm really getting sick of looking like a hungover college student on her way to nap in the back of her psy101 lecture. Seriously. I want to wear skirts and strappy heels and tops that don't zip up (and that show off my ::cough cough:: best asset). I want to look cute dammit!

So, maybe this weekend I'll start working on putting myself back together. I'll pick up some Clairol #111 and stop by the nail place in the mall to get the brows waxed (I think they're beyond my powers of plucking at this point). And I guess while I'm at the mall I could check out the sales for any cute and cheap clothes/shoes. Yeah that sounds good.

Or, maybe I'll just sleep all weekend and continue down the path towards being a hairy hoodie-clad marshmallow with dark roots. We'll see.

Happy Friday.

Yo pendejo, chupa mi verga!

Word.


PS. Today I realized how different my life would be without craigslist. I found my job, my kittens, and my apartment there. If only I had found Ryan there it would be like my whole life. But still, it's kinda frightening how craigslist rules my entire world.


Yeah that's all.

My weekend as represented by kitty pictures

So as previously reported, we left on Friday to go to Geneseo for Easter, taking along our little kittens. And of course, I couldn't resist taking tons of pictures of my babies...and my puppy Lady and my mom's cat Rascal. Seriously, if this is how obsessive I am with documenting my animals, it will frightening when I have children of the human variety.

But anyway, the boys were soooo good in the car both ways to and from Geneseo. I was so proud of them for being such little troopers. We stopped at a rest stop on the way to let them stretch their legs (by running around inside the car) and to give them some food and water. They were so fascinated with looking out the windows at all the people and cars.













We made it to my parents' without any major mishaps, but then it was time to introduce them to Lady and Rascal. Let's just say it was not love at first sight. We ended up keeping them separate from Lady the whole weekend after she tried to "play" with them a little too roughly and Sera whapped her on the face which made her snap at him. Rascal was a little pussy (pun intended) and hid in the basement even though he is bigger than both of the babies put together. As the weekend went on, Rascal and the babies started to warm up to each other (although there was some hissing and growling involved). When we left on Monday, they had gotten to the point where they would all sit in the same room staring at one another and gradually moving closer together. If we had stayed another day or 2, I think all the boys would have been bestest friends.

Anyway, while we were there my mom made me clean out my old room, which resulted in Ryan and I torturing our babies by putting them in hats. Well, the hat I put on Sera was actually too big so it's more around his whole body, as you will see.















The boys also really loved cuddling on my parents' bed, at times with my mama :)












(those are my mom's legs Sera is sleeping on)

But alas, after a nice visit with the parents (and lots of good food), it was time to come home. Bella and Sera were super good on the way back to Albany as well, and again, we stopped at a rest stop to feed them and let them look around.












All in all, it was an enjoyable long weekend, but we were all very happy to come home.

Happy almost Easter.

Sooo tomorrow after work Ryan and I are heading to Geneseo to spend Easter with my parents. It's been like almost a year since I've been out there, so I'm looking forward to seeing my puppy and kitty, and I have missed my mom's cooking :)

And as an added adventure, we are taking our kitties with us. I must say I am really looking forward to spending 4 hours in the car with them (each way), and I'm sure they will be completely calm and well-behaved the whole time.....yeahhhh ok.....

Plus they have never met a dog before, so that should be fun as well. Hopefully all the 4-legged critters will get along and be friends. We shall see.

So I told Sera we were taking him on a trip tomorrow, and apparently he decided he wanted to travel in the duffel bag rather than his carrier...



Happy Easter! :)

Ramblings...

I wish I was more creative, because there is so much inside of me that needs to be expressed, but I am clueless as to how to let it go. I pretend to be a poet, an artist, a writer, but the truth is I'm a confused twenty-something of average intelligence and minimal talent who craves some sort of depth and purpose.

In other news, I am feverishly searching for a cute Easter dress, but so far I haven't found anything that meets my expectations. Ryan and I (and the kitties) are going to my parents' for Easter, and between being in the crazy farm and being a nanny, it has been super long since I've dressed up for anything. I WANT A CUTE DRESS! I'm planning to hit up a few more places this weekend, so hopefully I'll stumble across something fabulous (and relatively cheap).

Also, I just finished the Time Traveler's Wife, aka book #1 of the Kristy and Rachel Book Club (we're really going to have to come up with a better name). Let me preface my review by saying that I LOVE reading. It is and always has been my favorite pastime. Unfortunately, due to the recent worsening of my mental illness, my concentration level has been nearly non-existent, therefore making my beloved hobby rather difficult. It has been months since I was able to read a book from start to finish without giving up halfway through. I am happy to say that this book snapped me out of my reading rut. It is the first book in a long time that totally sucked me in. I couldn't put it down. It was sooooo good (and also incredibly sad). I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good read. And now I am in search of book #2 of the KRBC (seriously, name?) If anyone has suggestions, let me know.

Back to this.

I hate not being able to sleep. Hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it.


I miss my Seroquel.

I'm not so good at this diet thing

I just ate a whole pint of chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup. I blame it on pms and my slightly depressed mood.

I've been more self-destructive than usual today i.e. taking handfuls of ibuprofin, fixating on thoughts of cutting, and as stated above, binging on crap. Stewarts has buy one get one free boxes of chocolate chip cookies right now, so it looks as if my downward spiral will continue.

As of tomorrow night I will be out of Seroquel, which won't be as bad as when I run out of Cymbalta in a week or so.


So now I find denial in my eyes
I'm mesmerized
by the picture that's in my mind

Sometimes I can't explain

And I'm so sorry that I can't

It aint hard to see

Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were...

Too many times I have wondered...

What all the trying is for
You come around
I feel so down
I want to drown
Cause I know
that you're
falling
short.

Today is probably the worst day depression-wise that I've had in a few weeks. It's not horrible, just not good.


I don't really know what else to say.

Happy leap day.

yeah, that's about it.

Fun photo meme

Here's how it works:
1. Go to www.photobucket.com (don't sign in)
2. Type in your answer to the question in the "search" box
3. Use only the first page
4. Click on THE PICTURE you like best
5. Copy the html and paste for the answer

1. What is your first name?





2. What's your favorite thing to do?



3. What is your relationship status?



4. What's your favorite color?



5. Who is your favorite celebrity?



6. What band are you listening to right now?



7. What's your favorite movie?



8. What is your favorite beverage?


9. What is your dream vacation?



10. What is your favorite dessert?



11. What do you want to do when you grow up?




12. What do you love most in life?





13. One word to describe yourself?