I'm tired.

And not in the 'I went to bed late and got up early' way. It's the kind of exhaustion that sets deep in your bones and makes every day a continual effort.

Weariness consumes me, and my frustration with my job is not helping. There is no particular reason for this frustration, other than the usual demand of a full caseload and the inconsistency of clients. I think I'm just starting to feel the effects of having 12 people relying on me to solve their problems, expecting me to fix every crisis, needing me to be their constant savior, punching bag, hand-holder, slave, etc.

I need a vacation, but that won't be happening any time soon.

I think my biggest fear is that the monster that chased me for so long, and finally caught me last year, is coming for me again. It took every ounce of strength I had to get rid of it the first time, and I don't know if I have any strength left to go through it again.

Sigh.

So bring on the insomnia and the chronic tension headaches. Bring on the never-ending line of needy clients and the countless mind-numbing meetings/trainings. I'll continue to get up every day and endure it all, because what choice do I have? And maybe one day soon I'll wake up feeling refreshed and energized, looking forward to the day ahead. Stranger things have happened.