A couple things:

1) Last night, Ryan borrowed my car to run to the store, as he often does. This morning, after a night of nonstop rain, I went to leave for work and found that he had left my sunroof open. Needless to say I was not very happy, and I sent him a strongly worded (and slightly profane) text message letting him know so. By the time I got to work the back of my jeans and sweatshirt were soaked, I was beyond freezing, and very very cranky. Is there anything worse than wet jeans? It took me about 3 hours to completely dry out, however during that time most of my anger subsided and I was able to see the humor of the situation. Well, almost. I am now looking forward to holding this incident over Ryan's head for a long long time. =P

2) Every time I talk to my mom she asks me when I think I will be able to "go back to work." Ummmmm.... Is what I'm doing now not work? Does she think I'm just wiping shit-soaked asses and force feeding 4 year olds for fun? Cuz I was under the impression that I was working my ass off taking care of an infant and a pre-schooler in an attempt to pay my rent and my bills. Silly me, apparently it's just a hobby. It drives me NUTS that she a) does not see nannying as a real job, b) will only be happy if I'm "using my degree" as a social worker, and c) is pressuring me to go back into a field that I am very much not ready to go back to. It was not that long ago that I was in a freaking psychiatric hospital due to the stress and anguish that my social work job gave me. I am still trying to put the pieces of my life back together, and I am in no way ready to put myself back into that position. And I'm sorry if I think that my mother, who has battled depression herself for many years, should understand and accept that. ::Lets out an exasperated sigh:: Okay....rant over.

Opening Day Take 2

THE YANKEEEEESSSSS WIIIIINNN!!!

Oh I'm a happy girl. I have missed baseball so much. Poor Ryan, who has to live with me as I watch baseball, has not missed it so much.

To you:

I was talking to a friend today who mentioned that she is graduating in May. I suddenly realized that you and her are the same year, which means that if all has gone as planned, you will be graduating as well. And then my heart sank, because I don't know if you will be staying here after you're done with school. It's so ridiculous, you aren't even part of my life anymore, and yet the thought of you not being in the same city as me makes my inexplicably sad.

I have spent the past year and half praying that I don't run into you, actively planning my schedule to avoid places you might be, involuntarily shaking whenever I see someone who looked like you. And yet, perhaps part of me was hoping to turn a corner and see your face. To have a split second connection with you again, before pretending not to see each other and going our separate ways.

Despite all the hurt, anger, tears, name-calling, and general unpleasantness, I am not ashamed to say that I miss you. Well to be exact, I miss the person you were when we met, not when we parted ways. And I wish you well.

The minnow and the trout

Help me out
Said the minnow to the trout
I was lost and found myself swimming in your mouth
Help me chief
I've got to plans for you and me
I swear upon this riverbed
I'll help you feel young again

Not your every day circumstance
Hummingbird taking coffee with the ants

Please, I know that we're different
But we were one cell in the sea in the beginning
And what we're made of was all the same once
We're not that different after all

- A Fine Frenzy

New and somewhat different

So I went a little darker than I normally do. This is more like my natural color and less red. But I think I like it. Maybe?














PS. I forgot to mention this earlier......YANKEES OPENING DAY TOMORROW!!!
PSS. As of today we have had Bella and Sera for exactly 6 months. God I love my babies. <3

Vanity, animals, and unfounded guilt

So I've actually been somewhat productive this weekend. I ran pretty much all the errands I needed to, plus I finally took care of the furry caterpillars above my eyes.

I also picked up some hair dye, so I'll probably take care of that tonight. Maybe I'll post some pics if I feel up to it.

On a completely unrelated note, I have been watching a lot of Animal Cops lately. Normally I avoid this show because it greatly upsets me, but for some reason over the past few weeks (perhaps boredom... or masochism?) I haven't been able to keep away. Now, as anyone who has spent any time with me knows, I love animals more than I like most people. I don't understand how anyone can harm and neglect such defenseless creatures. It's the same with children. Seeing poor innocent babies being abused is the main reason I left social work. Case in point: a one year old beaten so badly that he will most likely never be able to learn to walk or speak. A one year old.

People are sick.

But anyway, I've been watching Animal Cops and as a result I have gone to bed crying pretty much every night this week. A normal person would...oh i don't know...STOP WATCHING? Yet I feel like I have to watch out of respect to those poor animals, so for the ones who don't make it, their deaths aren't in vain and their lives are remembered. Why do I put this on myself? How is it my responsibility to care about every single animal and child in the world? But this is what I do, and this is why I end up in mental hospitals. Because I put everything on myself.

Oh well, I'm going to dye my hair.

Beware the scary marshmallow lady

So I got a new template, mainly cuz I'm bored and in need of some change in my life. And since I'm too lazy to make any "real" changes, I decided some new colors in my blog would suffice.

So speaking of changes that need to be made, I realized recently how much I have let myself go in the past few months. Now, admittedly, I have had a lot going on in those few months, what with being hospitalized, losing my job, spending 2 months at the crazy farm, being discharged from the crazy farm, getting a new job, getting engaged, etc, etc, etc. However, I like to think that living through all of the above mentioned "drama" has led me to a new, better place in my life. But that is certainly not what I see when I look in the mirror. I haven't dyed my hair in probably 6 months at least, resulting in a reddish brown mucky color with dark brown roots. Sexy. Also, I haven't plucked my eyebrows in several months either, so right now they are more or less taking over my entire face.

Then there's the fact (as I have whined about in the past) that I have gained about 30 pounds or so over the past year. And while people keep telling me that having a little meat on my bones is far better than the skeletal/anorexic look I rocked for most of my life, I still would feel more content with losing 15 or so of those 30 pounds I've packed on.

And finally, (as I have also whined about in past posts), between being in the hospital and being a nanny, all I ever wear anymore are hoodies and jeans. Everyday... hoodies... and jeans. And while I am a huuuge fan of the hoodie (I own approximately 90 bajillion of them), I'm really getting sick of looking like a hungover college student on her way to nap in the back of her psy101 lecture. Seriously. I want to wear skirts and strappy heels and tops that don't zip up (and that show off my ::cough cough:: best asset). I want to look cute dammit!

So, maybe this weekend I'll start working on putting myself back together. I'll pick up some Clairol #111 and stop by the nail place in the mall to get the brows waxed (I think they're beyond my powers of plucking at this point). And I guess while I'm at the mall I could check out the sales for any cute and cheap clothes/shoes. Yeah that sounds good.

Or, maybe I'll just sleep all weekend and continue down the path towards being a hairy hoodie-clad marshmallow with dark roots. We'll see.

Happy Friday.